I’ve decided to expand this blog to just stuff I feel like writing. I figure that I’m going to spend a lot of time writing in the next couple years of my life, and I should have a space to put them all. A fantastic idea, if I do say so myself.
My Apple Mail icon keeps bouncing as I’m writing this. Annoying.
Anyways, here’s something that I wrote a couple… days ago, I think. I signed up for a journalism class and I wrote this. I realize that it is long, and boring at parts, and that’s mainly because I didn’t feel like editing it. So yeah, read or don’t read. Whatever. No wait, read it. Yeah.
Oh and as far as humor or satire go, I didn’t really… put much thought into it… I was just… letting my mind flow. Go go go!
SAN FRANCISCO–Today, illegal immigrant sheep farmers rallied in the streets to protest the recently created laws to ban sheep farming in urban areas. These urban areas include all of San Francisco, and almost the entire East Bay, excluding only a small grove in the south east Bay Area.
The grove, only 5 miles wide, is now filled with hundreds of sheep, each marked a different color to differentiate them from other farmers’ sheep. The sheep farmers claim that since their sheep have been colorized, it has directly impacted their farming technique, now having to clean the wool after shearing their livestock.
“It’s an atrocity,” says Lucas Uywan, a sheep farmer from San Jose, “now I have to hire more people to clean the wool, and they always mess up and it shrinks before we can even get it out!”
The high price of wool paint has also affected the sheep farmers. With such a high demand, and low supply, prices of wool paint has hit an all time high of 500 dollars per can of paint.
California lawmakers are claiming that there shouldn’t be a sheep farming industry in the Bay Area at all. They claim if the sheep industry continues to grow, it will engulf our culture as a whole, and turn it into a savage, vile society of inhumane beasts.
“The law was passed to stop the flow of sheep from entering the urban areas of the Bay Area. Sheep are vile, disgusting, violent creatures, just like their owners,” says Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Some are blaming the passing of the law on the recent attack of a three year old child by a San Franciscan sheep in early February. The child was reported to have tried to pet the sheep, only to be savagely attacked. His hand was bitten, and he cried for at least 4 minutes. The child is in intensive care at St. Jude Children’s Hospital.
“If we allow the sheep to roam the streets of San Francisco freely,” continues Gov. Schwarzenegger, “more and more people will be attacked. There are not enough choppers to get everyone to safety.”
The protest started this afternoon, bringing together all five of the sheep farmers, and hundreds of sheep to downtown San Francisco. They started marching down Market Street, before getting lost and traveling in circles for almost three hours. Not many people came out to support the protesters, as the sheep trampled any one trying to go outside their buildings. Currently, any transportation to downtown is shut off due to the flood of sheep tearing through the streets. The protesters are demanding the law be repealed, and free money be given to them as reparation, and to help fuel their industry.
“We came to America [illegally] to start a new life, and bring sheep to the community. If you ask me, the Governor is using us as a scapegoat to sidestep the California debt problem!” says Eston Marl, a sheep farmer.
California is currently 70 trillion US dollars in debt, and has been recently cutting state projects and slashing state funded budgets. The sheep farming industry currently brings eight hundred dollars a year to the California economy.
Some civil rights activists are claiming that the law was passed from a racist perspective. Since all of these farmers are immigrants, they see it as an attack on immigrants as a whole. Rev. Jesse Jackson has come out and said that “this law is an attack on all illegal immigrants everywhere, regardless of color. If this law is not repealed, it will only confirm that this country, and all its white citizens are racist!”
Four of the five illegal immigrant sheep farmers are from the UK, and the fifth is from Russia. They came in 2007 on a commercial airline.
“We came in a plane. No one asked us for any papers, or even a passport…”
-(CE)Ian
