Rally in the streets! The final battle is at hand!

Sony fanboys on one side…
Microsoft fanboys on the other…

They will be equipped with the finest weaponry: game cases, DVDs, Blu-Rays, 360 or PS3 controllers, HD cables, hard drives, and the consoles themselves. Then when the sun is at high noon, the siren will blow and the two sides will meet for the final console war.

Broken disc shards flying through the air, piercing through people’s eyes… Consoles bludgeoning each other to death… Controllers being pounded into each other’s skulls…. Cables strangling each other to death…

Oh yes… Blood will be everywhere… as will broken eyeglasses.

And during this battle Kaz Hirai, Jack Trenton, Shane Kim and Don Mattrick will watch on a hill nearby, drinking coffee, talking about their family, maybe even the latest golf match they had. Then Satoru Iwata will walk in, shake their hands, and join in on the watching, laughing to himself.

That’s when a thunderous crash will come rushing in, as a nearby building falls to the ground. Those who have survived will stop their fighting and turn their attention to the new combatant….

THE REGGINATOR

He will shower everyone with bullets from a modded Wii Zapper peripheral, then come charging in, striking down everyone with an energy sword radiating from his WiiMote w/ WiiMotion Plus… All attempts to subdue this monstrous beast will be futile, for nothing can stop the charge of an enraged Reggie. There won’t be any survivors…

After the last fanboy has fallen, the Regginator turn and yell to the audience gathered upon that hill,

“GOD, I LOVE THAT THROTTLE.”

And Iwata will smile and nod, stand up, and bid his fellow business folk adieu.

-(CE)Ian