Hipsters are a threat to North American culture. Hipsters are everywhere: they’re in our schools, in our bars, in our parks, in our libraries, in our music, and maybe even our own homes. Their treacherous breed will destroy modern society as we know it unless we can stop it. But how can we protect ourselves from the hipsters if we are unsure of what they are? In this post, I will explain what hipsters look like so that we may identify them and deal with them as such.
This is a prime example of a hipster:
Notice her sunglasses. She’s wearing them underground. Why? She’s wearing them because no one wears sunglasses underground, or at least, no one should wear them underground. They’re also huge. Huge glasses are a a staple of hipster fashion, most of the time colorful. Also take note of plaid top. Why plaid? Is she an Al Borland fan? No. She wears it because no one wears plaid. She also wears a skirt despite already wearing pants, and then finishes her outfit with ugly boots. Note none of her clothes match.
Here are some more examples of hipsters:
Notice the glasses again, which contain the classic oversized look. His hair is utterly ridiculous, mustache horrendous, and his sweater is vomit-inducing.
This hipster clearly has no mirror in his house, as his hair is a joke. Hipsters embrace unkept hair, as they see it as another way to do what they think is breaking social barriers.
Take notice of the hat, which is completely and utterly stupid. His shirt is hot pink, a color chosen because he thinks that the social standards of gender roles are meant to be broken (typical hipster thought), and he wears tight black pants, a male hipster fashion staple.
You can see the trend here now: hipsters wear clothes that no one wears. In this case, it’s a giant blanket of a scarf. He finalizes the hipster look with oversized headphones over his neck (which are most likely connected to a CD player).
I don’t even…
I’m too outraged to even explain.
Notice the scarf, the old gray blazer, the tight pants, the ugly gold colored shoes, and the bicycle helmet despite not being on a bicycle. This hipster went out of his way to make sure his hipster style illuminated from every part of his body.
Finally, a bit of advice: When a hipster is confronted about his or her hipsterhood, they will always deny it. If someone denies being a hipster, you can be sure that he or she is a hipster. You can see this in action below.
I hope this post helps you understand what to look for when dealing with possible hipsters. Now that you know what they are, you can know how to deal with them: with violence.
Be alert, citizens. The hipsters are a growing threat and they will not be extinguished so easily. Their kind grows with each passing day and we must we wary of their evil, treacherous ways.
The hipster threat is real.
-(CE)Ian
